margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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