So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
