I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
