Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
