i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
