i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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