I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
