I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
