i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
