There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
