these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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