If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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