I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
