so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I will be naked everywhere
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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