Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I faked an abortion last night.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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