Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
