I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
