tell your sister to shave her snatch
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
