the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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