have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
