she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
