hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When are your genitals available?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
