K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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