Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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