Im at strip club and am horny
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
