Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
