there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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