I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
