I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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