i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
