im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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