hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just google imaged poop.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
