the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
