Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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