i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
