I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
