I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i out mim tonsoeep
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
