just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
