The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
