Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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