from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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