I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
