Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
