She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
