No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
