i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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