Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
