i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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