Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
