i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
